And it doesn't even matter what kind of shopping it is. Clothes shopping is the worst, cause I really think that designers the world over have never seen a woman in their lives. Either they believe we have no tits, or if we do, they must be up around our collar bone or down by our navel. And I'd love to meet the woman with the 4 foot stretch between her waist and her crotch, cause I keep finding pants made for her. But no, clothes shopping isn't just the only thing. To keep it within the girly section for a moment longer, shoes are a pain to shop for. Clothing stores don't believe there are pudgy girls out there, and women's shoe stores don't understand that there are females with wide feet. The bane of my adolescense was my wide feet. The only dressy shoes made for wide feet are hideous and nothing short of a hacksaw will get my feet into anything else.
So perhaps that's why I'm not that girly. The dressiest shoes I will wear that fit are Doc Martins and the utalitarian look always accounted for tits that were somewhere between the collar bone and navel...
However, it's not just the apparel shopping that pisses me off. Even grocery shopping drives me bonkers. And with two young kids, and a husband who believes that avoidance is better than handling the situation, I have been forced to do groceries solo on many occasions. I'll leave in a neutral mood (happy to get out of the house, not that happy to be going alone), and come back mad as a hatter. And there is a good reason.
It's not because of the selection. I've come to accept that in order to get everything I need or want to get grocery wise I will have to go to multiple stores (and in this city, I might as well mail order, cause no one carries a lot of stuff I miss). It's not the prices. Those suck no matter where you go. Rather, it's the other patrons of the store.
Maybe I'm too idealistic here, but is there not an unspoken set of rules regarding grocery shopping? Like for instance, most isles have enough room for two carts to travel beside one another. Should they not be treated like a road? You stay on your side, I stay on mine, and no fucking parking in the middle, taking up both lanes, while you contemplate the sodium content in the stack of canned peas you're standing in front of?!? Oooh, and how about if you're at the end of the lane and you see a friend of yours doing their groceries, you MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY when you decide to stop to talk to them and not block the end with your fat ass so others can get out?!!? And let's not forget, keep 6 inches away from the person in front of you when you're in line to pay, or perhaps I should shove your $400 worth of groceries, cart and all, up your fat ass for trying to take out my Achilles tendon? Oh, another! If you have $400 worth of groceries, DON'T GO THROUGH THE SELF-CHECKOUT LINE!!! Damnit, they're slow enough as is, cause it requires about 5 more IQ points than is required to breathe and wipe your ass, and most people don't have that. Multiply that times 100 items, and I'm going to toss my now melted ice cream at you if you're waiving that can of sardines over the scanner 10 times before you figure it out you have it upside down.
Today in Costco I finally broke. I was stuck at the end of an isle with a cart loaded full of heavy shit my Mother was going to buy (plus the milk and broccoli I was buying, a mere 10 pounds rounded up on the 150 pounds I'm trying to shove around in a cart), while 3 women chatted it up. And Costco's isles are even wider than you average grocery store's, but they're taking up the whole fucking thing with how they're standing there with their carts. And so I stand there. And then I start tapping my foot and clearing my throat... You know, the "excuse me, look over here, realize your error and move" tactic, but the polite way. Had to try to be polite, my Mom was there after all. She's trying to convince me to go the other way, but the cart I'm pushing barely makes the 90 degree corners necessary. I'm not hauling it into a 3 point turn to back track through the crowded store; what I needed to get was 30 feet past them. And so I say excuse me. Nothing. Say it again. Nothing. One of them looks at me, and then goes back to talking. And didn't move...
And so that's when I said "Would one of you inconsiderate asshats move out of the way so people can get past?"
...they moved. My Mom wasn't in earshot, so at least I didn't have to put up with her being embarrassed.
I've been contemplating manufacturing and marketing v-plows for shopping carts... Might be able to use the welding and fabrication education I got to do it too. Watch for the infomercials.
You make one I'm buying it!
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