And so the tally increases...

My step-mother-in-law passed away this past Friday. She held on for over a week against everything that logic states would kill someone. Not too sure what was harder, to see her go so young or to see her still cling on when there was nothing left.

I know my employer is going to take a shit fit over my absences regarding it. I took Friday off before she passed away. I just had a feeling that the huby and I should stop in and visit that day rather than wait. His dad was also going a tad loopy (who can blame him, you can only say goodbye to the one you love so many times), so the visit had two purposes. And so we went out, spent a few hours with them while my Mom watched the boys, and then came home. She passed away a few hours later.

I took today off, even though the funeral isn't until this coming Saturday, in order to ensure that her family can make it out. I can't say that I'm as distraught as I have been in the past - I'm kind of getting jaded to all of this death and shit. But still, I'm just not... I don't know. If left to sit and think, I sit and think... And work isn't enough to keep my brain active at the moment, and so I tend to dwell on it all, and like I need to have the whole load of facts hit me all of a sudden at work. I don't know if it's true to me yet. I don't know if it'll come to me at the funeral, or sooner, or after, or if it has. One whole generation of my family has been wiped off the map and even that isn't quite real to me yet, and the last one to go was this past December.

And I don't know, but I don't want my sorrow at her loss to be more than other people's. The hubby's dad is taking this much better than I had figured, but then again, he's a "man" and heaven forbid he show a weakness, right?

They say bad things come in threes. Well, given that if I only count the family that has been relatively close to me, this makes 9 people in 8 years, I think someone hit the multiplier. 11 if you count a little further out. Personally, I'm sick of it. The only positive spin I can put on it is "makes it cheaper come xmas". The whole "well, god needed them" bullshit is just that - bullshit. If he needed them back, why make a good portion of them suffer till he was ready to accept them? Out of all of them, none of them went quick and painless. If god needed them back, then I hope like hell each and every one of them kicks him square in his omnipotient nutsack for being such an asshole about it.

All this has shown me is that I'm most likely going to die of cancer. Or rather, because of it, cause in the event I become diagnosed with the disease, I'll off myself first.